While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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