I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
