Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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