He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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