actually, I'm a sock model
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
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there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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