I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
