Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
