My entire life is one complicated drinking game
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
