I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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