Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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