called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
