Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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