If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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