I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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