My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
