omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
