she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
