my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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