i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
