thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
