i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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