I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
vagina is talking i cant
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
