My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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