Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
