I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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