she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
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So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
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You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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