chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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