I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
