At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he was CRYING into my vagina
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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