it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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