Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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