Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
