I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
