'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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