Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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