I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
