I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
