Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
