Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
