On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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