I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
