And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
