Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
