So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
