needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
