Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wish there were birth control emojis
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
