Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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