I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
