So drunk its hurt
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
