my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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