I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
