I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
