so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
