dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
