It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
