not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
