Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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