we made out on top of his cat.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
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My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
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I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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