Already got asked if we're dating
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize