I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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