Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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