It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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