I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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