I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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